By: eternitysojourner
After drifting asleep in the car, my daughter woke up
sleepy-eyed in Muscat. Not sure where we
were, she asked “Suwayq?” “No, sweetie, we’re going to Suwayq on Monday.” “Ma-wocco?”
“No, we’re not going to Morocco today but maybe later”. At two, she can’t quite understand what ‘next
month’ or ‘next year’ means. She does
not yet realize the reality of how far or near places are but as I flip through
the pages of her worn little passport, I wonder at want point will she begin to
realize how blessed she is to see many places that most have only dreamed of.
While parenting is an adventure in itself, parenting abroad
is like an adventure on wheels. What or
where ‘home’ is is a blurry concept and it takes a strong family bond to ride
out the constant waves of transition. As
parents raising young children abroad, we’re sometimes branded as ‘selfish’ for
torturing our own parents, forcing them to travel long distances to see their
grandchildren in between annual summer visits.
Some brand us as ‘opulent’ for actually traveling to learn about new
countries as opposed to picking up books and Hollywood movies in their
place. Some consider us down-right crazy
and irresponsible for taking our children to developing countries where ‘all
those poor and diseased people live.’ In
the fraternity of families abroad you find a variety of folks who may be all or
nothing of what others assume but in my circle of fellow parents, we seem to
have common aspirations and frustrations with our life abroad.
The advantages of a childhood abroad can be tangible and
appealing. Young children can learn
about cultures, languages, and world history in the context of where they live,
as opposed to textbooks and tutors.
Authentic connections can be made with others before learned biases set
in and make color, race, and religion points of difference. Traveling matures children and gives ample
opportunity to learn flexibility, adaptability, and agility in the face of
life’s unexpected surprises. Many of us
find a better quality of life abroad and actually spend more time with each
other, cultivating a home life and a vivid montage of memories for our families
to savor for years to come.
One sacrifice that seems to hit us all pretty hard is the
distance from our extended family. Virtual
grandparenting is challenging. Children
grow in leaps and bounds from summer to summer and no time is enough time every
single vacation. The luxury of sending
children to Grandma and Grandpa for the weekend or even a night is forfeited in
place of finding trustworthy babysitters and friends or simply opting for a
night in as opposed to a night out for a date.
Depending on where you reside, you may not always find common principles
and practices in parenting. Varied
notions of discipline, different styles and standards of education, and the
role of children in society may not agree with your understanding and
experience. Even at the playground or in
the neighborhood, if your child looks unlike their peers or don’t share the
same language, making friends and finding playmates may be a hurdle too.
In coping with all of the challenges it entails, many
families abroad have to seek out strategies to keep the wheels of our life
abroad churning. Some set up social
groups or clubs for expat families to find a familiar haven when you need a
break from being the foreigner. Some
rely on media tools like Skype, Whatsapp, and Viber to stay in touch with loved
ones back home. Some fly relatives over
for visits to make the time abroad shrink just a bit. Between care packages, video chatting, and
fellowship around familiar foods, we make it through. Sometimes other expats become stand-in family
members while we’re abroad. Just last
month, our family along with two other American families met up in Abu
Dhabi. The long drive and border drama
were not beyond the lengths we would go to be a family for each other. We go out of our way to help each other and
bolster one another on this journey.
As true as the etymology itself, there is no ‘utopia.’ Every place and circumstance has its benefits
and challenges. Life ain’t all rosy
abroad but neither is it back home. An
economic downturn, rising costs of living, and mass shootings are enough to
make our countries feel less homely and inviting. Out of all our relatives, we own the least
but financially have the most because we are debt-free. Some of our dreamy goals and idealistic
values are better actualized on the other side of the planet, making the
sacrifices worthwhile not only for ourselves but also for our children. Whether at home or abroad, our hope is that
the compassionate, peace-loving, globally-minded citizens we raise today will become
the pioneers of a better world tomorrow.
Being able to choose a life abroad is a gift which helps us,
humbles us, and sometimes hurt us, but it is not in vain. While my daughter may not have roots in any
particular land just yet, it’s more important that she has wings. Allegiance to
any one place shouldn’t prevent her from trying life elsewhere because who
knows- she just mind find happiness, peace of mind, and security on the other
end of a plane ride.
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| Photo credit: Labinsky |
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