Alone But Never Lonely: Single And Not Really Mingling Abroad

By:  Brittany S

            Some of you may have heard a little bit of my views on dating abroad during my interview, but here is a little bit more.  I know some are probably thinking, here’s another one of those bitter articles written by someone during “Cuffing Season” that doesn’t have a “Cuff Link.”  This isn’t one of those “#TEAMSINGLELADIES #TEAMINDEPENDENTWOMEN #TEAMIGOTMYOWN #TEAMBADDESTCHICK” type of posts.  Several people have asked me to talk about my dating life, so before you dismiss my views, hear me out! :-)

Thanks Judy Garland.

I don’t think we should work on finding “Mr. Right” when we are not together ourselves.  Even a link won’t stay together if it isn’t complete.  We shouldn’t have holes in ourselves and look for others to fill them.  If I feel something is missing in my life, I need to figure out how to put it there on my own and think of a man as an ADDITION, not COMPLETION to my life.  We should be content with self and not feel we “need a man.”

Now, in saying this, I’m not saying I don’t WANT a man; I welcome him, whoever he may be.  But I’m a firm believer in being in a relationship because of the PERSON and not the RELATIONSHIP.  I think oftentimes people decide to date just so they can be with SOMEONE and not necessarily THE ONE.  If we choose to date just for the sake of dating, that’s fine.  But we shouldn’t later try to fit someone into a different equation than the one we initially invited them into.  If we choose to date on a more personal level, then we should be a bit more selective and not just date space-fillers.

How do I know?  Because I used to do that.  I met a Black man in Malaysia who hung out with me for a total of about 6 hours and in that time he said to me—

“You’re beautiful—inside and out.  You’re the type of woman my mom would be happy to meet.  You’re smart.  You don’t speak much, but it isn’t because you’re shy.  It’s because you only speak when you feel you have something valuable to add to the conversation.  You don’t speak just to hear yourself talk.  You’re observant and protective…even of your heart.  You’re amazing, but you don’t know it.  You don’t think people really like you, like…men.  But you’re beautiful.  Really, you are.”

That resonated with me.  As I sat there in awe of how he just described me, my friend blurted out “YUP! Hahahahaha!!!”  Really?  People could gather all of that about me from such a brief interaction?  That made me conscious of the type of men I attracted, and the type I’d allowed to stay.  I dated my first boyfriend because I was turning 18 soon and had never been kissed, let alone had a boyfriend.  So, I dated him as a rite of passage.  I’ve been in relationships with others that I realize I should not have dated from the start, either just for the sake of dating, or because I thought they were as good as I was going to get.  Something needed to change.

            I haven’t been in a relationship in almost three years.  I haven’t really dated much since then either.  I told you this whole diatribe to say this:  A season of being single, particularly in a foreign country, is a remarkable thing!

While we are abroad, we look for something familiar, even if that is someone.  But sometimes that person possesses the type of familiarity that we really don’t need to reawaken.  It’s easier to “settle” abroad, especially if you don’t think of your new home as a permanent one.  But here’s the thing—while we are settling, we are hindering so many other things.  Being abroad is heavily a time of self-development in all areas.  I know people who have gone abroad for mental clarity, physical health, monetary gain…you name it!  Whatever area(s) they felt weak in, they have been able to strengthen it abroad.  Why complicate that with someone you don’t even care for?  Furthermore, when you get past the threshold of wanting to be with someone because you haven’t been with someone in a while and deciding to fly solo until someone really catches your attention; you become a more desirable person to others, including yourself.

            I don’t think that if you are in a relationship, you are clingy or can’t stand on your own.  Also, I am not saying that you need to “force” the single period.  Not at all.  If you are dating and/or in a healthy relationship, that’s great!  I just hope you realize that if you feel lonely because you are not with someone right now, that means you still have some more room to grow.  Depend on self to bring you happiness.  Don’t expect from others what you can’t provide for yourself.  Decide what you really want out of this experience abroad.  Is your main goal a relationship?  Does being in a relationship prevent you from reaching your main goal?  What are you sacrificing by staying single?  What are you gaining?

            I would love to share this experience abroad with someone…now.  Before, when I felt like damaged goods and like I was hiding, what exactly would I have been sharing…misery?  But when I got over it, I traveled, laughed harder, made new friends, strengthened old relationships, and have seen/done things I never thought I would.  Most importantly, I have become a better companion.  I like the idea of getting to know a person on a friendly (non-physical) level and building on that.  When we are physical, it clouds our judgment and we make decisions based primarily on that.  What happens when that slows up or changes?  But when you care about a person’s very being, it strengthens everything else.  I have several guy friends that I have made in countries all over the world, and even have crushes on a few.  But I’m no longer pressed to see “where things go” with them.  I enjoy their company as is, and if things progressed, cool.  If not, *shrugs* cool.

          Before, I was ready to add someone to my life to help me complete it.  Now, I have so much going on in my life that it is so fulfilled that when I consider dating someone, I think about how they need to bring something to the table to make up for the room I will have to make for them.  This morning I booked tickets to the Bahamas with my best friend.  We decided to go three days ago.  Travel is a major part of my life now!  If I am going to be with someone, could I see myself traveling with them, or them being worth me foregoing a few trips?  So for “Cuffing Season” I will remain “uncuffed” and be on a beach somewhere with my bestie, content with life.  Who knows, maybe next year someone different will be catching some rays with me.  But in the meantime and forever, I’m living!

The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams. –Oprah

Home Again and Natural Hair Care

By Rukiya McNair
10/28/2012

So...in the past few years, before I had a family of my own and after, I've bounced around quite a bit. Now, being fully transitioned back home in Pittsburgh, PA I am finding it to be a positive experience as well as a bitter sweet one filled with great memories of my travels abroad.

In the past 5 years I have been (not necessarily listed in the order of importance):

1.  physically thrown out of a bar simply because of the color of my skin (Jakarta, Indonesia)

2.  in a fist fight with a male taxi driver (Jakarta, Indonesia)

3.  bitten by a centipede (Christiansted, St. Croix)

4.  told by an 8 year old student that she didn't like Black people (Jakarta, Indonesia)

5.  told by the SAME 8 year old student referenced in #4 that Jennifer Hudson was beautiful like her teacher (i.e. me), the day after I had a conversation with her about her comments

6.  the Ambassador to all things Black in America (Jakarta, Indonesia)

7.  taught that the words cheeky, thick, and spiked mean something completely different in the U.K. (everywhere but the U.S.)

8.  sick from food poisoning more times than I can count (everywhere but the U.S. but primarily Jakarta, Indonesia)

9. almost in love (no comment)

10. out of almost love (no comment)

11. in love again (no comment)


Now that I'm back, there are a few things I am glad to experience...everyone speaking English, concerts, music and the variety of foods. I'd like to think those are all typical reasons for enjoying being back home. There are other less common reasons as well I suppose, like police sirens in the city, Mexican people, VH1Soul, face cream that doesn't contain bleach, terrible pop music, consumerism, oh...and proper hair care products. As a natural-haired African-American woman, those products can be hard to find abroad, if you can find them at all.

So, what does a woman do when she can't find her most prized hair care products abroad? Stock-up before you go, or order them from this magical place called the internet. Recently, I spoke with Gwen Jimmere of Naturalicious.net.

I asked Gwen what she thinks the most important natural hair care products are to take abroad she said, "It’s very important to take moisturizer with you. Our hair gets very dry and oils alone do not moisturize the hair. When hair gets too dry, it become brittle and it will break off like nobody’s business. Carry a good moisturizer with you at all times."

Gwen Jimmere, CEO of Naturalicious, LLC

I can say I learned this lesson the hard way when I was living in in St. Croix. I had locs for 10 years when I decided to chop them off and rock a small afro. I guess island life had me feeling a little too carefree because my hair began to break-off about 6 months later when we moved to Puerto Rico. I hadn't been moisturizing my hair properly (probably due to the lack of natural hair care products where I was living)...and I was paying the price! I was thrilled when I found the Naturalicious website because they shipped outside of the continental United States (and internationally) so easily!

While you are waiting for your products to arrive via snail-mail, one easy mix (depending on where you are in the world) is olive oil and shea butter, according to Gwen it provides,"great shine and excellent moisture."

For now, me and my hairs are going to enjoy our stay here in the U.S. and everything that comes with it.. for as long (or short) as it may be...

Dining Out in Muscat

by Stephanie McCreary

I moved to Oman a little more than a year ago and since then I have been living a double life. During the week I am a resident of Nizwa, a conservative small town in the interior of the country where I have to cover my arms and legs whenever I step outside. On the weekends however, I escape to the capital city of Muscat where I wear short sleeves,  Capri pants and indulge in activities that are unavailable in Nizwa. As a food lover, one of the things I love to do is patronize great restaurants. Aside from a couple of decent Indian places and a smattering of hole-in the-wall Arabian joints, Nizwa doesn’t have a whole lot to offer in terms of fine cuisine. Muscat has more options, and since I’ve stayed in my small town for the past four weekends, I have a strong desire to sample from the capital’s culinary platter. After waking up early and eating a rushed breakfast of shredded wheat, I hit the road.

An hour an a half later, I get my hair cut at the Intercontinental Hotel in Shatti Al Qurum and a pedicure at Totem Nails. As the end of my pedicure approaches, I feel my stomach growling and begin to envision lunch. I know that I want a special dinner later so I  need something light and fresh. I choose Automatic, a Lebanese restaurant conveniently located in Shatti Al Qurum. I walk inside to find a fast food restaurant in a casual dining setting: open and bright, with tables covered in black, white, red, and green cloths. I find a seat away from the bright October sun streaming in through the window side and peruse the menu, which offers a wide array of Lebanese food, including appetizers ranging in price from 1.200 to 2.100 OMR. Hommos, hommos with meat, and tabouleh are a few of the featured starters. I choose the rocket salad and fried kebbe. The salad is crisp and fresh, a mix of verdant green arugula leaves, fiery red chopped tomatoes, and red onion, drenched in the sweet tang of balsamic vinaigrette. The fried kebbe, torpedo shaped Lebanese meatballs made of fried bulgur stuffed with ground beef, onions, and seasonings, leave something to be desired. The bulgur coating falls apart too easily, and I have to sprinkle lemon juice and salt on the filling to add flavor.

For entrees, Automatic has a good selection of fresh juices like pomegranate, avocado, strawberry and apple, ranging in price from 1.100 to 1.700 OMR. Grills include lamb chops, chicken kebabs and chicken wings starting at 2.300 OMR. The lunch menu features sandwiches like the classic vegetarian falafel to the not so vegetarian sheep’s brain  from 300 to 450 baisas.  For early risers, there are breakfast dishes like foul, and eggs with meat that range from 1.200 to 1.700 OMR. If you like seafood, grilled hamour, kingfish, and grilled prawns have a place on the menu. If you care for a sweet ending, there is a variety of sweets including Oum Ali, a middle eastern style bread pudding, and Kataif, a pastry made from shredded wheat filled with cheese and topped with a fragrant syrup.  The total cost of my quick lunch: 3.700 OMR. Automatic has four locations: Shatti Al Qurum in the Bareeq al Shatti building, Al Ghubra, Seeb, on North Hall Road, and Al Khuwair, across from the Radisson SAS.

After a few hours of shopping, I meet my driver to go for dinner at Mumtaz Mahal. Oman has a large Indian expatriate community, so there is no shortage of Indian restaurants to choose from, but Mumtaz is without a doubt the best. Sitting atop a hill in Qurum overlooking the city, this establishment recently underwent renovations and the new décor is subtle yet warm, elegant yet inviting.  The ceilings are chocolate brown and beige, with dark wood tables and chairs with beige cushions.  A small stage is at the front of the spacious dining area with sophisticated paintings in earth tones and deep reds hanging on creamy walls. As I sit at my table and look through the menu, I notice the gold placemats in front of me that compliment the amber hued lights hanging from the ceiling and pillars.

I start with the prawn and coconut soup. Light, with a delicate citrus bite, this is a mellow introduction to the rest of my meal. I feast on American corn saag masala, a pureed spinach dish with Indian spices, punctuated by plump, sweet, sun yellow corn kernels and served with steamed basmati rice. Next, I try the tangy tandoori potatoes. Marinated in raw mango pulp, coriander, and mint and roasted in the tandoor, these are some of the most delicious potatoes I’ve ever tasted. Their outer coating is red from the marinade and flakes slightly  when touched with a fork. I sip the sweet truth of a ripe mango in a lassi, the perfect fruity, ice-cold dessert. As I finish my meal, live sitar and tabla music ring out from the stage and lend a mystical and enchanting atmosphere to the evening.

The extensive menu reads like a tantalizing novel, featuring dishes like tandoori whole lobster, cajun spiced chicken tikka, chicken and lamb kebab platter, and desserts like strawberry phirni brulee, a chilled rice flour pudding infused with strawberry puree sauce. Starters range from 2.200 to 3.200 OMR, soups from 2.000 to 3.000, chicken entrees from 5.000 to 5.500, vegetarian dishes from 3.500 to 4.000, seafood from 6.900 to 18.000 and lamb from 5.500 to 6.000 Rice dishes range from 2.500 to 18.000, breads from 200 baisas to 1.800 and desserts from 1.800 to 2.600. My entire meal set me back about 16.000 OMR. If you’re out and about in Qurum and need a fast lunch in a clean family restaurant, head over to Automatic. If you want to be transported to India encapsulated on a hill with a sparkling  nighttime view, have your dinner at Mumtaz Mahal. Reservations are recommended.

The Scared Traveler: A Slight Change in Plans

Dottie Hill

I think there is a saying that goes something like this, “Even the best laid plans change.” I know the universe will not always bring sunny skies nor will it allow all of your cards to fall into place. So, a planned trip with friends has its ups and downs. What happens when one friend is prepared, and they can no longer take the trip but you aren’t prepared? For anyone that knows this, it can spell disaster while scrambling to make the most of an unprepared vacation. The one thing that can make a vacation less of a disaster is choosing the perfect place to stay. Luckily, for me that’s what I did even when one friend who possessed the know-how of the vacation spot could no longer go. The central location of the hostel I stayed at proved to be a blessing in disguise. Not only were there great places to see in the city center the location provided easy access to other places nearby using the subway or bus.



Forbidden City

With so much to see I was clueless to all the great tourist spots and not so great spots. Since I’m a firm believer in relying on the kindness of others, I did just that. This kind person happened to be the clerk at the hostel. What I got was more than what I was looking for. Not only did the person at the front desk give me a map of the historical places of the city, he also gave me a subway map. As I talked with him he mapped out everything I was interested in seeing on my map, and even provided information about great places the locals go in the city.



Street Food

As I explored the city and saw lots of things I couldn’t help but wonder how interesting it was without knowing anything before I came. I can tell you, if you decide to go to Beijing make sure you bring a great pair of walking shoes. There is so much to see in this city and different kinds of foods to try as well. Although, my palate screeched at the thought of candied fruit, it loved the steamed pork dumplings. Not surprising, there were no short supplies of familiar western food chains (McDonald’s and KFC). As always Starbucks is never hard to find anywhere you go, but seeing a Haagen Dazs store made my day.

For travelers like me or the most prepared travelers here are a few tips you may consider when traveling. Remember a great hotel or hostel will provide travelers with up to date maps of the city and/or subway lines. These are great sources for understanding where you are and getting an idea of where you want to go. Don’t just take the map and GOOGLE “sites to see in …” Talking with the person at the front desk will give you good insight to the city. Here are a few questions I asked the clerk on my recent vacation:

What’s a good place to eat around here? 

The Great Wall of China

Where do the locals go to shop?

Where are the clubs and bars?

Where are the bars the locals go to?

Is it easier to get to ... by bus or subway?

Which bus should I take?

Do you offer tours to different sites?

Where are the movie theaters?

Where are the running parks?



Tiananmen Square

These questions are general enough to get the desk clerk talking. Make sure you include questions that are geared towards things you like. Also, while you are chatting with this person, remember to have them outline places on your map. This will give you a better idea as to how far certain places are, and help you at planning your time. Then you will be able to choose where you want to go, and know if it’s a great place to visit.

Having a handy dandy app is a must for a scared and unprepared traveler like me. One of my favorite travel apps is Triposo. It’s an interactive travel guide that uses the web to give information on popular travel destinations around the world. You can download the guides you want on your phone and they’re all free. It has information from history to food and culture as well as maps. Although, I went on my vacation clueless I managed to have a great time. I hope that you are able to have an adventure whether you are prepared or not.

Good Luck!

Making Yourself at Home in the World

By:  eternitysojourner

 

In my four years of living abroad, I’ve lived in five different homes.  Each was unique and filled with memories of felicity, frustration, and fellowship but one feature noticeably absent, as I mentally tour each residence, is the apparent lack of “stuff”.  Not the kind of stuff left behind by an old roommate but the stuff that makes a house feel like a home; the stuff that adds beauty to your abode and makes it, not just functional, but inviting.  A nomad’s dwelling need not be bland or bare!  There is room for art and comfort in your life abroad without the burden of added luggage weight or overseas shipping.  While our family is not yet ready to plant our roots in a particular land, here are some ways we've found to “sprout” and make our home homely in the here and now.

Unpack the Suitcases

Nothing says “nomad” like storing your clothes in an open suitcase.  No matter how neatly you fold your clean laundry, a suitcase is still a suitcase.  Adding a simple set of shelves, stacked crates, or a modest bureau conveys the message that you’re not sneaking out in the middle of the night.  You’re sticking around for awhile, so unpack, put the suitcases out of sight, and get cozy.

Buy Dining Sets for Four (or at least Two!)

Unless communal drinking and eating is your custom of choice, you’re going to need more than one set of cutlery to entertain guests.  Being able to have a guest, even if it’s just one, forces you to look at your living space through the eye of another.  Those little touches and details you pay attention to when having company ought to remind you to cultivate a home that’s inviting to you too!  Don’t just sleep and eat in your spot- dream and thrive!  Your home should be a sanctuary and place of respite, no matter how small in size or brief your stay may be.

 

Pack Your Spices

The tastes and smells of familiar foods bring us great comfort. It’s awesome to taste new dishes and experiment with a new cuisine but sometimes you have a craving that the best of foreign dining can’t fill. When you need to cook a “down home” meal, compensating with substandard spices or trying to substitute with a local equivalent may you leave unfulfilled. Leave the spice rack at your mom’s house but pack just a few sachets of quality spices and herbs to make your soul food sing. This will at least buy you time to try out the locally available spices and see if they fit the bill.

Have Company Over

Now that you have more than one spoon and bowl, it’s time for fellowship!  Even if your offering is nothing more than tea and biscuits, strengthening your social ties outside of a passing wave in the street or chatting after work helps you to nurture your connection to others and where you are.  Your social life can make or break your experience abroad, so once your settled, consider having a guest every once in a while.

Add a Little Green

Nothing says “home” like a plant- a little shoot of life growing in your home.  Whether you grow a plant from seed in soil or nurture a fallen flower in a jar of water, grow something!  If you want to test out your “green thumb”, you can try a little windowsill herb garden or grow pots of tomatoes or strawberries in whatever green space you can secure for yourself.  You can always “gift” your plants to a neighbor or resident when it’s time for the caravan to pull out.

Invest in Art

Art is not just for artists- we all benefit from the sight of something that moves and soothes us.  You can carry a few favorite prints and have them framed locally or look for art in your environs.  A calendar page, a cherished greeting card, hand-dyed fabrics, a decorative candle holder or handmade crafts can add a much needed aesthetic to your flat without breaking your budget.  Even when you have to buy items for your home like sheets or floor rugs, think beyond function. Factor fashion and décor into your selections.

Cherish Your Photos

In this digital era, many of us have files or disks of pictures, not stacks of photo albums.  Use your screensaver for virtual trips down memory lane or play a slideshow of photos that capture worthwhile memories.  You can have some of your favorite photos printed and framed locally or invest in a digital photo frame to display your favorite shots.

How have you made home abroad feel more like home?