When Eating Live Animals Goes Wrong: The Ultimate Crash Diet

By:  Brittany S

Interested in weight loss?  Have a little extra holiday weight you want to lose?  Trying to uncover your summer beach body?  Recently spend 6 weeks in America and gain 7 lbs (Too specific)?

Well I'VE GOT THE SOLUTION FOR YOU!

EAT SANNAKJI!

What is this "Sannakji" you ask?
A "killer" diet, that's what!  It is literally a diet to die for.


Why?
Because aside from being one of the most dangerous foods in the world, it can help you drop the lbs in a matter of DAYS!


"What do I have to do?!"
It's simple really.  Just watch this instructional video below:

Yes ladies and gentlemen, it is THAT SIMPLE and it only takes a few SECONDS!


Eat sannakji and your body will flush out waste over the next few days.  Drink plenty of water.


I personally have lost 6 or 7 lbs on this program.  I'm quite happy with the end result.  But don't just take my word for it.  Read some of our testimonals from actual product users:

ACTUAL PRODUCT USERS!

Testimonials:
Ebony--"I lost 4 lbs in one week...just in time for my wedding!"

LaToya--"I lost a few lbs and was able to take a vacation from work!"


Try it for yourself and discover the new you today!

What I discovered wasn't too exciting.

**Disclaimer:  This is not a true diet nor is it advocating for any type of "diet" or weight loss method that causes the body to lose weight in an unnatural way .  Side effects may include:  diarrhea, vomiting, lack of energy, weight, and pride, Yes, it did cause me and the people mentioned in the testimonials to lose weight by causing us to "flush out waste," but that definitely was not by choice!  Sannakji is really one of the most dangerous foods in the world.  It is live octopus.  Each tenticle has its own brain and even though the sannakji we were served was already chopped up, it continued to squirm.  If you do not chew this food quickly and thoroughly, it can cling to the inside of your cheek and/or your throat wall and cause you to choke to death.  This is not "a diet to die for" but it definitely is a "killer."  There are several deaths annually from this food.  If you decide to try this Fear Factor eligible food, please CHEW CHEW CHEW!

Also, I would suggest you learn from our mistake and eat something first.  We didn't eat beforehand and dined on not only raw octopus, but raw oysters as well.  We've decided that the oysters were the real culprit; the more oysters you ate, the sicker you were (out of the 7 of us who went there, 5 of us were extremely sick afterwards).  When I talked to a Korean person about it, he told me a lot of people have been getting the Norovirus from raw seafood lately.  That is definitely what it felt like.  This is definitely NOT a "date food."  I'd eat ribs or something else sloppy on a date before I'd eat this!  You've been warned.

I Ate Dog, Then I Saw His Kinfolk...Uh Oh

 By:  Brittany S

Yep, you read correctly.  You can stop wiping your eyes, or staring at the screen with your face scrunched up and head cocked to the side.  I, Brittany, ate dog…on purpose.  No I am not starving or in a third world country.  No I wasn’t on Fear Factor or the victim of a really demented dare.  I didn’t get paid for it and outside of this post, I didn’t really cause much of a fuss.  It was just a typical Saturday in Korea and I decided “I think I’ll eat dog today.”

            I know a few of you need a moment to process that.  I’m sure a few of you may feel you know me somewhat if you are a loyal reader of my posts.  I know at least a handful of people are reading this like “I was with you on everything, but DOG?! Really?!  You are on your own on that one.”  Need a moment?  Cool.  Take 5.  Look at this completely unrelated video to ease your mind.

            We good now?  Interested in Ameriquest...or maybe pick up on my subliminal message in the tagline?  Cool.  I know…the next thought after the “Eww!” or “OMG!” is “WHY?!” so here it is:  because they serve it.  I mean as long as it isn’t human (and hey, even that isn’t off limits for some people) and is considered a delicacy (or at least local cuisine) somewhere, then why not?  In my personal opinion, there is nothing wrong with eating dog, but Eastern cultures have started to shy away from it because of how Western (particularly American) cultures have made them feel about it.  Why is it gross or primitive to eat a dog?  I believe it is because we view dogs as household pets and family members at best.  How could you eat a member of the family!?  You savage individual you.  But hey, my Grandmommy had a pet chicken once, and you better believe she can fry a mean bird.

Such eager foreigners.  Our food was getting cold...

            Think about it, why shouldn’t we eat dog---because it is a pet?  Well in that case, Grandmommy eats her pet regularly.  I have a friend who had a pet cow named Oprah  (we are from the same state).  Do you think she doesn’t eat hamburgers or steak?  Ever have a pet fish?  So only the small ones are cute and shouldn’t be eaten but the big ones are fair game?  But you’re right…a dog is a “special” pet.  -_-

            Or maybe that is just unhealthy or unnatural in some way…perhaps even ungodly to have such a meal.  Without turning this into any type of spiritual conversation on what not to eat I will just say pork…really?  Pork is like THE most unhealthy meat we can consume.  No matter what we name it (bacon, ham, pork steak, sausage, pig feet, chitterlings/”chitlins”, etc), it is still terrible for our bodies.  Dog is actually a leaner meat and many Koreans believe it is good for your health.  But, I digress.

My friend was happy to share this part of her culture with me...just not happy that we took so many pictures. :-)

            Bottom line, my reason for eating dog is to say that I am embracing a part of their culture that my (American) culture rejects.  I ate it because I am learning to acculturate myself to the world’s culture and not just my own little piece of earth.  I ate it so the next time someone calls me a picky eater I can say “If only you knew…”  It made me feel a little like a daredevil, too.  Don’t be fooled; it played with my head a little when I saw the food in front of me.  I just scooped up a large spoonful and shoved it in my mouth before I could over-think it.  After that, it wasn’t that bad!

WARNING: First bite of dog causes you to change colors.

            I ate it in two forms: a bibimbap and a soup.  I prefer the bibimbap form.  The meat was lean and spicy.  It tasted a little like goat (yes I have eaten that, too…is that one off limits too? J Oh well…).  I sat there with my friends chatting away as if we were sharing a pizza.  Of course we took a TON of pictures (as it was my American friend’s first time eating it as well.  My Korean friend just shook her head and laughed at us.) to document our “Bucket List” event.  Would I eat it again?  Yes.  HOWEVER, I don’t see myself ever getting a craving and saying “Hey, let’s eat dog tonight!”  I WOULD however eat it again if a friend wanted to try it and was scared to do it on their own.  Friends don’t let friends eat dog alone. ;-)  In the meantime, bring on my Grandmommy’s pet chicken and my friend’s pet cow!

It comes out like this...

...then you add raw egg and white rice, stir, and VOILA!

It doesn't look so bad...right?

            The workers were so nice to us and very worried about us foreigners eating dog.  They constantly asked us if it was ok and if we thought it was delicious.  This is exactly what I mean.  Poor Koreans, all worried about what us foreigners think of something that makes them happy and isn’t really our concern.  After we finished eating, we were escorted to a bus stop and informed that it will take about 25 minutes before the next bus comes.  Not even three minutes later after we ate Fido, FeFe, and Fluffy, a dog goes sniffing around in the field in front of the restaurant.  We all just looked at each other like “Uh Oh.”

The victim...

            As time progressed and a bus still hadn’t come, we started making up a whole story about that dog.  It sniffed its way all the way to behind the restaurant and we pronounced him dead on arrival.  After we had a good laugh about it and the dog STILL didn’t resurface, we stopped smiling.  Where exactly do they get the dogs for the restaurant anyway?  I’ve never seen “Beef, Chicken, and Dog” listed at the grocery store.  We imagined the dog fell victim to a bug zapper meant for dogs and would soon be served up.  To make matters worse, shortly thereafter a man came walking by looking for something (or someone).  He practically traced the steps of the dog and eventually ended up behind the building…for a loooonnng time.  Oh great, now the bug zapper got him, too!  That explains why the field on the side of the restaurant looks like the earth was freshly turned.  Poor guy…didn’t stand a chance.

The crime scene...

            Just when we have completely turned our innocent dining experience into a sick horror story, our ride comes and it is time to leave this place.  Even in my brave moment of eating that meal, a tiny part of American me wondered where the dogs came from and felt sorry for the dog I saw.  What can I say, I can’t overcome everything at once—Rome wasn’t built in a day!

A Midnight Gondola Ride With Him…And His Missus Is Ok With It

By:  Brittany S

Last weekend was magical.  Even though I couldn’t understand what he was trying to say to me, I could look in his eyes and stare at his hands; they told me everything I needed to know.  He wanted me right here with him…and she knew.

 

Who is “he” you ask?  My Oppa  (오빠 "big brother")!  Who else?!  I know it has been a long time since I last wrote about him, but he and his family are still very much a part of my life.  Now that I live in a different city, I don’t see them nearly as often, but we definitely keep in touch!

                One day I messaged my Uhni (언니 "big sister") and she invited me to join them at a resort over the weekend.  ROADTRIP!  WOOHOO!  I was a bit nervous (as I always am when I go out of town with them, but last time it worked out alright), but I agreed.  They drove two hours to pick me up, then another two to our destination, with a random pit stop in between.

                On the way, 오빠 made a pit stop at a SHEEP FARM.  Yep.  I guess this isn’t very fascinating to me because I have driven and walked past fields with sheep many times in America, but for them, it was special.  But when my family found out there was a fee to get closer to the sheep (less than $5USD), they decided it was too expensive, so we left…but not before they fed me.

                Even though I ate before getting in the car, I was immediately handed Mandarin oranges and a hot sweet potato. At the sheep farm, they bought me a corn dog.  There was even a point where I was forced to bite off one of theirs, after they gnawed at mine.  Sharing is caring!  But they weren’t done!  They know I love meat more than vegetables, so they make it a point to cook a lot of meat anytime I am around.  This time was one for the record books.  They bought a TON of steak, links, and hot dogs (and were very apologetic that it wasn’t American beef, but Australian.  *shrugs*).  They made so much meat I thought I was going to be sick!  I ate until I couldn’t anymore, then a little more just for them.  We laughed and talked in broken English and Korean until we moved on to games.

                I usually just play “Blue Marble” with all the kids (like a Korean ‘Monopoly’), but this time the adults decided to play a game as well.  They taught me (with gestures, 2 or 3 English words, and Korean) how to play Yutnori.  We played with our family (오빠, his son, and me) against the other family (they traveled with us last time).  We won the first game and lost the next two.  I blame the player substitutions!  While I was playing with the kids, 오빠 said he wanted to go on a “Gondola ride date” with me and asked if that was ok.  I looked at his wife for clarification (as there aren't any Gondolas at the ski resort right?) and she said yes and go.  I STILL have no idea where this gondola came from, but I suppose this is our next adventure?*

After games, dinner, and drinks, we headed outside to check out the resort premises.  Even though we hadn’t had the first snow, ski season had begun so there was artificial snow everywhere, with the ski slope directly outside our windows.  One of the men in the group is a professional photographer.  I don’t know if it was the soju or his wife, but he suddenly was inspired to have an impromptu photo shoot on the snow using only his camera phone.  As we giggled and ran away from him (he drunkenly chased us, too!), he snapped pics.  He finally convinced us to start posing and he told me he loves my silly poses.  That’s all I needed to hear; I went into full Naomi mode, making the rest of the Koreans to blush. We had a good time!  It was fun to watch the rest of the men and boys have a snowball fight.

She laughed so hard she started crying haha

What? He told me to pose in the snow! She wasn't ready...

                By now I am worn out, but they are still going strong.  The children were instructed to perform to “Gangnam Style” for the adults.  They were even assigned parts and given an iPad to go watch the video for practice.  That was fun.  It was funny to see the kids being forced to dance in a totally different culture than my own; moments like that make me feel at home here.  I stayed awake long enough to watch the performances, then was dismissed to go to bed.  My family could see the fatigue all over my face so my 언니 came to the ladies’ room (we stayed in a 2 bed/2 bath condominium villa) and tucked me in my floor mat.  She laid her mat out next to mine and for a minute I thought she was about to try to share a mat with me.  Instead, she gently caressed my face and said she loves me as if she was putting her little girl to bed.  Sometimes you would never guess that she is only 13 years older than me!

The beautiful wife who inspired this photo shoot. (LEFT)

                Later, 언니 returned to go to bed.  When she thought I was sleep, she held my hand and fell asleep.  Even though I don’t understand everything she says, I always understand everything she does.  She really loves me.  We slept hand-in-hand for hours (when I finally fell asleep that is!  I was laying on my back and she on her stomach.  After so long, I was uncomfortable!  I wanted to roll over!).  Around 5:30am, I woke up to use the bathroom.  Little did I know that one of the other ladies was awake and would start talking to me when I returned.  That eventually woke the other ladies, who woke the children, who woke the men.  The whole house was awake and LIVELY before 6am!  Next time I will just hold it :-).  I just KNEW I was going to be able to lie back down and continue sleeping!  WRONG!

                I had to leave the resort earlier than everyone else because I had an appointment in Seoul.  Before I left, 오빠 insisted on making me breakfast.  He even Westernized it a little for me by making fried eggs and Salisbury steaks to go with the meal.  Because I am not much of a drinker, everyone made it a point to keep my glasses filled with OJ and water.  The men drove me to the bus terminal and one of the women even rode the bus with me to Seoul to make sure I would be ok.  They are sooooo considerate and hospitable.  오빠and 언니 announced to everyone that they want to be able to communicate with me more fluidly, but they are old so they will not study English.  Instead, I have been instructed to continue my study of the Korean language.  I am trying…people like that are all the more motivation for me to learn.  (OPPA AND UHNI, I LOVE YOU!...오빠랑 언니, 사랑해요! )

*My 오빠 believes we are closer than his wife and I are, so he insists on his 1-on-1 time to further his lead if you will.*

12 Things About Korea That Make Me Smile…Now…(But Not Before)

By:  Brittany S

I can’t really say I had “culture shock” when I arrived in Korea, but I will say there were several things about Korean society that I didn’t really care.  But it’s funny how things work out; now I like them!  I guess all I needed was time.  Here’s a short list of a few of my new likes.  (NB: When reading this article, be sure to click on the highlighted texts so you can see the associated images and video clips)

1                    K-Dramas:  In my opinion, soap operas in general are over-the-top and not the highest quality of acting (just overly emotional, beautiful faces).  But Korean Dramas are even more extreme.  Someone is ALWAYS angry, crying, sad, and/or dying.  They are SO CHEESY!  But, I will say, on any given day, one might be playing in a restaurant or on a bus and it is VERY entertaining to “dub” them with a friend.  You should hear what we come up with.

I have no idea what this one is about but I can make up one heck of a story about it.

2                    Commercials:  If you watch the commercials here, ½ the time you have no idea what they are advertising (what does a talking radish have to do with a phone plan?) or you have no idea WHY they are advertising that (and in that way).  When I got over the futility of the commercials to me, I found them to be quite comical.

 (Top: Yea, you were thinking it...especially on the slow-mo's. O.o

  Bottom:  We definitely don't advertise ice cream like THIS back home.)

 

  

3                     Cafés:  I am not really an avid coffee drinker and if I was Stateside, you probably wouldn’t find me in a Starbucks (or anything similar) for service or hanging out.  But here it is possible to stand on the corner of a street and see four different chains at one intersection.  Eventually, you make time for the cafés and it becomes a bit of your social norm.

4                    Dogs: I LOVE dogs…but not “purse dogs;” you know, the dogs that never walk, but just get carried.  Those are pointless to me.  But here, usually only foreigners have bigger dogs (a bulldog is considered big here).  I was slightly annoyed with people carrying dogs, but when you see all the little cute doggie clothing they dress them in (and occasionally they dye their fur some neon colors), you can’t help but say “Awww…”

TOP: Even dogs get to wear "hanboks"--traditional Korean clothing (As seen on weddinggraphics.xanga.com) BOTTOM: Not uncommon to see a dog that looks like it's been playing with a hi-lighter.  The owner usually looks really reserved, too.

5        Konglish:  Korean-English can frustrate a native speaker:

Me: Bus Terminal

Taxi Driver: (yes?)

Me: Bus Terminal

Taxi Driver: (YES?)

Me: *sigh* (pronounced: “Buh-suh, teh-mi-nal”)

Taxi Driver: Ahhhhh…

Me: -____-

BUT, there are times where it is REALLY funny.  I often search for Konglish and/or English translation merchandise just so I can get a quick laugh.

I don't want any "butt cheese" at all!  I don't care if it's American!

 (As seen on: "Quilly in Kowea")

Could you tell this was about "Dirty Dancing"?

6                    The Staring:  Sometimes it is innocent and you can see the curiosity in their eyes, but other times it is condescending and flat out RUDE.  Originally I was quite offended, but now I just imagine all of Korea is a catwalk.  If I catch you staring, get ready for the show.  I’m about to think I’m Naomi, and I might even wink/blow you a kiss.  Now who’s uncomfy? ;-)

7                    “Can you…?”: Although their intentions are good, I absolutely HATE when Koreans ask:

“Can you eat spicy food?” (No, if I eat it, it will cause my body to combust.  -_-)

“Can you use chopsticks?” (Not at all, not even to style my hair. I don’t understand these mystical sticks.” -_-)

So now I reply to them with:

“Can you eat a hamburger?” or

“Can you use a fork?”

When they think my question is absurd, my point has been made and life goes on. :-)

8                    “Where are you from…Africa?”:  Now don’t me wrong, I don’t see my skin color’s association with the Motherland as an insult.  I embrace it.  (But, as a Black American, if you say I’m African, where exactly am I from?  In reality, if you say I’m an African-American, does that mean I’m like Obama with 1 African parent, or Charlize Theron, a S. African native?)  The reason Koreans think I am African is for no other reason than that I am not White.  Whoaaaa…since when is America monochromatic?  Then whenever Koreans put anything about Africa in their media, it is usually derogatory in some way.  So in some cases, a person calling me African might mean it as a slight.  No need in getting mad anymore.  I just ask them “Are you from Japan?”** and that usually settles it.

9                    Korean hierarchy: This Confusionist culture is admirable.  I wish Americans respected and looked out for each other more like Koreans do, especially in when it comes to education.  You should see the complete authority that a Korean co-teacher demonstrates in our classes.  With that being said, there are times that as a foreign English teacher, nobody tells you anything and it all pertains to you!   Then if you do find out, they only tell you ½ truths, and at the last minute, all the while not including your input.  Fortunately, as time goes on you learn how to beat the system and to navigate “the Korean way.”

10                Walking Everywhere:  There have been times that because of #9, I ended up going on long hikes in sandals.  Honestly, if I had tennis shoes, I’m not sure how much better off I would have been.  It’s a little shameful how out of breath I was getting.  But now I am used to it and I feel healthier.  Plus my legs look amazing! ;-)

11                Being Told To Go To The Hospital:  In America, especially for someone who can’t afford to take off work and/or does not have insurance, we only go to the hospital if it’s an ABSOLUTE NECESSITY.  The first few times someone forced me to go to the hospital here, I thought there would be major problems because of the language barrier, and that it would cost me an arm and a leg.  In both cases I have been wrong.  Most doctors speak quite a bit of English, no matter the city.  Also, I have been to the ER, gotten a prescription, and had an ultrasound done and had a follow-up visit when my lymph nodes were swollen and all of that cost a little over $100 (without insurance).  Plus it only took about 30minutes!  So now if I even THINK I’m getting sick, it’s off to the hospital I go! Why not?

Koreans often LEAVE the hospital and go around town just like this. (As seen on: lauraeff.tumblr.com)

12                Shopping Difficulties:  Back home, you can try on almost anything before you buy it.  Here?  NO.  In fact, many places sell “Free Size” clothing so you can either fit that one, or none at all.  Considering I’m not built like the average Korean woman, this would irritate me and I would often end up buying something that had I been able to try on, I would have put back.  But now I shop like a pro.  I walk in, check the price, hold it up to my body, then buy it.  I also have become less materialistic.  Some things I can’t even buy here (like shoes for instance) and I am ok with only using what I have over and over, after all, see #6.

I mastered the art of shopping and shopping as art. ;-)

**If you don’t know the history between Japan and Korea, please research it.  In short, to associate them with anything Japanese is a bad idea and vice versa.

***Many of the links used in this post are from two of my favorite comical sites about expat life in Korea.  One is called "Dear Korea:  a random comic made by a random expat" and the other is "#kikinitinkorea"  Please support these two!  They are good laughs and VERY accurate.